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We Are Who We've Always Been

It's okay because we're all still here. We're all still intact, and even though we've shed parts of our old lives like seasonal skin - we're still who we've always been. The external forces have changed - yes. This goes for all of us. These new, strange external forces have caused changes to stir within us and resonate inside of us. New parts of us have been opened, while recently frequented parts start to grow cobwebs. New feelings, thoughts, attempts, misses.. being wrapped up in something else. Yes, despite all of this, we still find ourselves falling upon our footsteps from some past time and all of a sudden, it hits. And you cycle in and out of yourself; for a second you barely recognize yourself and you want to run back through time, dodging all of the forks, and get back to that place where you know yourself best. That quiet little place deep inside yourself. It's not always the nicest place, but it's familiar. The hallways, and darkness, and pieces of paper blowing through on window drafts of old rooms containing memories, small treasures and ghosts. You look outside, and even the air has changed; moreso resembling air that you once breathed in, and it's heavy but it's sweet with a plethora of notalgic scents. You feel yourself come alive then, and you remember exactly who you are; entirely radiant, pearl in the deep night. Shining behind our new skins, with old blood now pumping back to the surface to coat us in a layer of ourselves again. There's a core to us, and that is who we are my friends. We are who we've always been.


- Stumbled across some of my old personal writing this morning, and started perusing some of the communities which felt like `home` here on LJ. It has been years since I have posted even personal entries properly and I am beginning to regret it. Facebook came and ravaged everything - and then everyone shifted to tumblr, blogger, and other means. I have never since found such a sense of community that we have had here on LJ. The poetic beauty of all of our souls colliding was fantastic. Groups like this one, 2amtomorning, lettergraveyard, other_forests, etc.. just felt so `full`. Like they were bursting out the seams - so much for us to share. Ahh, I wish that we had never left this place.

Oct. 14th, 2014

To the person whose soul still wanders to this cemetry of beautiful words,
where do you find beautiful communities like this one? Or did Facebook and Wordpress kill it all?

I miss reading posts here.
I miss being inspired by strangers who seemed to feel the way I did.
I miss the comfort that embraced me reading the lines you had written down here.
In our concluding negotiation you called me a fallen knower; hustling for something what I call the truth. A fact that has been verified,
the reality of love.

I had never been an astronaut until I met you; you told me that you had muttered those words before, but it had made no sense until you met me and convinced perhaps (rightfully) both myself and yourself that your virgin voyage was a mere mistake.

To fall in the enamoured stage of mind, I wore the veil of blissful ignorance.
And as the page turned, I buried our love along with
my softly draining veil, reluctantly. You had entombed yours
the first time you had fallen out.

You already knew what I thought to know.

I lived what I hoped to be true, a glistering glitch in the sight of an astronaut. I weeped as the robots repaired my visual perception,
      longing, hustling, languishing,
I weeped louder,
      aching, pining, yearning.

The robots struggled. I resisted.
They were accustomed to the action of opposition in the matters of hearts, secretly envious of the feelings that required more what they inhibited.
I forcefully fought back; barbarically rejected the antidotes; violently tore off the wires attached to me; viciously smashed the metallic counter; savagely attacked the machinelike nurses.
They were accustomed to resistance of hearts,
but my heart was not like any other dreamer.

Ultimately the astronauts have to give in; we learn and we bury
whatever the robots hoped to have in our dim stars,
that once reflected lights so beamingly that even the cities during the night bowed to their radiance; the glitch.

We learn,
and move on.

But you were right; I was a fallen knower who hustled something that I knew as the truth. A fact that has been verified, the reality of love. I traveled around the universes, supposedly repaired and fixed, once more just like I did with you, throughout the mesmerising galaxies,
across the whistling seas of the milky way.
I longed, hustled, languished, ached, pined and yearned.
And so did all the dimmed stars, all the robotic creatures turned into nurses, but not the learned astronauts who learned and move on, not you.

The robots discharged me,
and told me I had done the right thing when burying the veil of blissful ignorance that blinds the sights of astronauts. I keenly thanked them for saving my life and apologised  my irrational behaviour. Their reaction did not alter; or if it did, I would had been incapable of noticing how robotic expressions are painted.

I traveled with the spaceship to the outer space; the voyage granted only to those who fall in the enamoured stage of mind. As the engine electrified, the technicians were alarmed instantly. It was the same ballistic capsule I shared with you on our virgin journey, and the humans screeched. I should have learned, I was supposedly fixed, I knew what all the other (repaired) astronauts knew and this very craft was putatively to stay still always, because both of us had not been first timers.
Later I heard that robots nursing me were executed for the error they had given birth to. The ones, I think, were most envious.

Perhaps...
...just maybe...
....they simply knew...

What I knew of my fellow colleagues,
they had learned and moved on. Just like me, they traveled to the outer space once again. They greeted the stars that were still beaming their brightness to the world, and inhibited one of those slightly less shining — in the colonial terms “unconquered” — stars with the lovers they found with their improved visions. No one cared for the dim ones; used, exploited and abandoned.

By the time I arrived to mine, she had weeped all its light out. The start south of her boomed with energy and I could feel a gnarl in my throat; he was like ours the time we first we met.

I shovelled.
And I shovelled.

The scientists on the ground tried to make the uttermost sense of my incoherent actions. I would be lying if I said they had not done it before with someone else, but in spite of how many rejected the truth we were supposed to have learnt they were left with no answers. First it was an anomaly that occurred occasionally. But then it happened too frequently to have the name abnormality.

I digged deep and I found nothing else than my veil of blissful ignorance. The love we buried had withered. I wept, again.

I took out the veil, and the star glistered, momentarily.
I wore the veil, having no arrant modification in the feelings dwelling in my repaired vision.
The star beaconed, like never before.

The very moment the police robots began to joyfully court my start, at last catching the atrocious foe of astronauts that all the scientists desired to resolve. But the instant I witnessed our star spark more vigorously than any other affair in the universe,
I knew.

I was still in love with you,
and the fact you were not,
no longer hurt me.
 

Instakitty

HI

Let's be #instafriends

tumblr_m83js2rCqW1qi5d38o1_1280

Username: _vim

I miss livejournal!!
I know this might sound delusional, but I think our decisions serve some greater purpose. I don't know what that is. But I know the choices I made in the past are what made me the person I am right now. I'm not proud of all I've done, but I can't say I wouldn't do it all again. I don't believe in regrets. I don't believe in regrets. I don't believe in regrets, but I will always believe in nostalgia. It might sound kind of sick, but sometimes I can't help but smile when I think of all the fucked up shit I did what I was just another stupid, reckless, gutter punk kid. I know I'm not the only one. So here's to all the mistakes we made and everything we destroyed; here's to all the lessons we learned and the people we have become. I replaced some bad habits with some other bad habits. It's been about three years now since I gave up the pipe and stopped stealing everything in my reach, but I still smoke too many cigarettes, and I still blow all my money. The way I see it, we're all going to die, so we can't waste any more time. I don't intend to. I've got to make the most of all this time I got. Thank God I still got some time left to live. I don't believe in regrets. I don't believe in regrets. I don't believe in regrets, but I will always believe in nostalgia. It might sound kind of sick, but sometimes I can't help but smile when I think of all the fucked up shit I did when I was just another stupid, reckless, gutter punk kid. I know I'm not the only one. So here's to all the mistakes we made and everything we destroyed; here's to all the lessons we learned and the people we have become and the people we have become and the people we have become and the people we're going to be.
Johnny Rodriguez - "Riding my Thumb to Mexico"

This old highway seems so lonesome
When you're going where you've been
And a lonesome song can make you cry
Time and time again
If I had listened to a friend of mine ten
Years ago today, I'd have a better job
Than what I've got today

But the billboards on the highway and the
Brakelights on the cars
Make me jump out on the highway with my bag and my guitar
If she comes or if she goes it doesn't matter
Anymore cause I'm ridin' my thumb to Mexico

Ridin' my thumb to Mexico
It don't matter when or how I go
I'll ride this thumb til I see her again
So I'm ridin' my thumb to Mexico

Well, the reason why she left me's not the reason that I'm here;
I'm a travlin' kind of man, just need a change of atmosphere.
If there's any place I haven't been at all that's where I'll go
So I'm ridin' my thumb to Mexico

Ridin' my thumb to Mexico
It don't matter when or how I go
I'll ride this thumb til I see her again
So I'm ridin' my thumb to Mexico

friending meme

friending memedon't know if this will work out but it's worth a shot, i think. lj is getting more and more quiet but i'm sure there's some users left who won't be parted from it, so i thought a friending meme might come in handy. copy & paste the text in the box & fill it out & post it as a comment. or write entirely freely, do as you wish. the main point is that you mingle!


Help make my culinary dreams come true

Facebook users, I could REALLY use your help.


I am aspiring chef/food writer. It has been my dream since I was a tiny little girl moving from city to city, dining out constantly because we were always on the move. I knew then that food was what I wanted to dedicate my life to.


I entered a contest recently that is hosted by the editors of Taste of Home Magazine, and the executives of MasterChef. (A Culinary girls DREAM!) While, the prize isn't much, winning this challenge would get my name and passion into the eyes and hands of the higher-ups in the bizz. People who literally can make my dreams come to life.


Among all of the contestants across the United States they narrowed it down to FIVE. Yes, FIVE out of the entire country, and somehow I WAS ONE OF THEM! All I need from you guys, is to take 5 seconds of your time.


Please go to the link provided below, like the page and vote UP for my Harvest Veggie Pie (Perfect for Autumn, which I feel coming closer and closer each and every day) Also note, that you can vote ONCE a DAY until the 29th!!!! There is a pesky steak that is absolutely killing me right now. Which saddens me, because almost anyone can create a steak (I don't mean to sound arrogant. I'm so the opposite of that)


Thank you so much, you beautiful Gypsies.



http://www.facebook.com/tasteofhome?sk=app_248171051880120












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